


There's Something Missing in My Heart

by allmylovesatonce



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allmylovesatonce/pseuds/allmylovesatonce
Summary: When Alex goes to London to tell him he loves him, Henry sends him away. How do both of them react to being without each other and what happens when their emails are still leaked?
Relationships: Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor
Comments: 30
Kudos: 302





	There's Something Missing in My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Interrupting my progress on my Vacation AU for a hot second to get this one written. It was one that wouldn't leave my mind. Thanks for reading!

Alex stares Henry down. “Tell me you’re done with me. I’ll get back on the plane. That’s it. And you can live here in your tower and be miserable forever, write a whole book of sad fucking poems about it. Whatever. Just say it.”

A long silence stretches between them. Finally, Henry meets Alex’s eyes again. He does the thing Alex loves and sticks out his chin defiantly. This time, Alex loves it less. “You should go,” he says in a small voice. Alex’s mind is moving in slow motion. Surely, Henry didn’t really say that. 

Alex falls back on his heels and watches Henry. He’s almost waiting for him to take it back. They’re in a faceoff that Alex realizes he’s not going to win. He can feel tears building up in his eyes, a sick feeling stirring in his stomach. “Fine,” he chokes out. “I’ll go.” 

He walks toward the door, pausing when he reaches it. Looking back, he hopes Henry is watching. Henry’s turned toward the mantel, resolutely  _ not _ looking at him. It feels like the end. He supposes that was what Henry wanted when he let him enter. 

Shaking his head, he finally leaves Henry behind. He can’t believe the day has gone the way it did. More than anything, he can’t believe it’s over. It was just supposed to be something physical, Alex was never supposed to fall in love with someone who was just going to end it all. Walking down to the entrance, he finds Cash and Shaan. They both look surprised to see him. 

“Let’s go, Cash,” Alex says, walking toward the door. 

“Alex,” Cash calls, a concerned look on his face. 

Alex turns back, feeling miserable, wanting to get the fuck out of the palace. “Please. Let’s just go.” 

Shaan even looks concerned. He steps hesitantly closer to Alex. “You’re leaving?” 

“You didn’t even want me to be here. Neither did he. So I’m going.” Alex turns back toward the door, thinking the idea of trudging through the rain seems pretty appropriate. 

“I’ll call ahead and have a plane ready for you,” Shaan tells them. Alex doesn’t care. Looking over his shoulder, he sees Cash and Shaan exchange a look. 

The trip to the airport, across the ocean, and back to the White House is all a miserable blur. Alex still can’t believe it’s really over. He pulls out his phone to send Henry an angry text but puts it away. The next time he pulls it out, he wants to send him a desperate text, begging him not to end it. He goes back and forth between those two extremes more times than he cares to count until he’s shuttled back to his home, none of the texts ever sent. 

It doesn’t feel real until he sees June and Nora waiting for him. With a shake of his head, he tells them all they need to know and sidesteps them to go hide in his room. He doesn’t even change out of his clothes before he throws himself on the bed, tears finally finding him. Strong sobs wrack his body, as it all sinks in. He’s lost Henry and he didn’t even do anything wrong. Not really. June and Nora are sitting on his bed, June’s hand rubbing against his back, trying in vain to comfort him. Nothing will. 

They do everything they can think of to try and make him feel better. But somewhere in the next 24 hours, Alex realizes the full scope of what he’s lost. It’s not just Henry — though that’s enough to leave him feeling this miserable. But there’s also the campaign job he was fired from due to his now-defunct relationship with Henry. There are the ideas he’d come up with before he could stop his mind. There’s the realization of letting love into it and how it felt so good before tearing everything down. It’s a feeling he won’t have again — at least not for a long time. 

He’s stuck in a haze. Alex can tell that his family is worried about him. He doesn’t miss the way June watches him with a protective, concerned look in her eye. Then there’s his mother who graciously didn’t yell at him for hopping on a plane to go on a failed mission to get his boyfriend back. She took one look at him and gave him a tight smile and a hand on his shoulder. It’s clear she doesn’t know how to talk to him about it. It’s the first time he’s really ever been this low about a relationship. His dad texts him more often than usual but Alex barely replies. Not even Leo with his signature optimism can make much out of this. 

Alex stares at the pictures he and Henry took at the lakehouse. The ones with Nora and June, the ones of just the two of them, the ones Alex snuck of Henry, so calm and happy. He wants to delete them, but he can’t. He’s not there yet. 

He wanders around, trying to think of anything but Henry and often fails. He tries to keep his mind off the campaign and that’s just as hard. Everything around him reminds him of something he doesn’t want to think about and it’s killing him. 

Alex has never felt this miserable over a relationship before. But then again, he’s never been this deep in a relationship before. He wishes he hated Henry, but he can’t do that either. The worst part is that he gets why Henry did what he did. He can’t imagine living in a family that wouldn’t support him or wouldn’t let him be himself. Alex thinks about sending him a text saying “I’m not mad at you” but he’s not sure that’s true. He’s mad at Henry for making him fall in love with him, only to cut him loose. 

For two weeks, he’s in an unfeeling, unending blur. He’s laying on June’s bed, listening to Zahra and June talk about an upcoming appearance that he obviously won’t be able to go to. A few days into his blur, he’d asked his mom if he could rejoin the campaign since he isn’t in a relationship with Henry anymore. She looked him up and down, noting his mess of an appearance and that was enough. Alex is spacing out, unsure why he’s there, not even wanting to press Zahra about the ring on her finger. 

It isn’t until Zahra checks her phone that his blur fades slightly. “Oh, fuck my ass.” 

Neither of them can ask what is going on before Alex’s own phone buzzes in his lap. He stares down at a news article with a picture of him and Henry from the elevator at the hotel in New York. For too long, his eyes linger on the two of them, side by side, arms around each other. Alex remembers the utter relief he felt at Henry’s appearance when he was at his lowest. Somehow, he feels himself falling to a new low now. He can see June staring at him from out of the corner of his eye. 

Alex can hear Zahra wondering how the security footage was leaked or what they need to do to fix this. He can hear June trying to tell Zahra her ideas, only for Zahra to keep talking over her. But Alex can’t offer any advice. His entire being is focused on the footage of him and Henry. He tries to remember what it felt like in Henry’s embrace and it’s frustratingly easy to bring up in his mind. 

“I have an idea!” June eventually yells. Alex looks up and his heart sinks even further as he sees the picture on her phone. She’s looking at Alex sympathetically, but he knows she’s doing this to protect him from the media. It’s doing nothing to protect his heart. Zahra, shockingly, turns to Alex for approval. 

It’s all too much for him. He wants to forget Henry. He knows he won’t, but he  _ wants _ to. Alex stands up off the bed and shrugs. “Do whatever the fuck you want. Not my call.” 

“It kind of is,” June says. 

“No. The only person you need to clear it with is him. And I’m sure you two can handle that yourselves. I’m sure his grandmother will be all too happy to accept that lie.” 

“Alex —” June calls, trying to stop him. But Alex is gone, back to his room, back to the misery he’s tried so hard to shove down. He knows it’s not like him, but he’s never been this deep before. 

When Nora comes by later, he tries to ignore her. She insists he come out with her, simply so he can get out of the White House. “Alex, I hate to say this, but you look like a mess. Some fresh air and time with friends will do you good.” 

“Who else will be there?” 

“Just me.” 

Alex sits up and shoots her a look. “So, this isn’t a fake date to throw off the press?” Nora is silent and Alex nods. “I’m not going.” 

“Look, it’s not a fake date. It’s me getting you out of your head. If the press wants to believe it’s a date, let them. But it’s just me making you feel better as a friend.” 

It takes some more convincing, but eventually Alex goes with her. He doesn’t dress the way he normally would, but maybe it’s enough. If he’s being honest, it doesn’t matter to him if the press buys it as a date or not. 

* * *

June is waiting at a table at a small cafe. Henry takes a moment to get himself in the right headspace. It’s killing him to be this close to Alex and unable to see him. When the story leaked, he pulled his phone out too many times to count, trying to figure out what to say to him. He’d really been doing that since the moment Alex left Kensington. But he’d never sent any of them. He was the one who sent Alex away and it didn’t seem fair to be the one to reach out like nothing was wrong. 

He plasters a smile on his face as he gets out of the car to go meet June. As much as he loves June, he desperately wishes she were her brother. She stands as he reaches her table and they embrace like they’re a discreet couple. It’s a lot of faking pleasantries and keeping smiles on their faces even when they don’t want to. Talking with June is easy enough. She’s certainly more entertaining than all the other dates he’s been sent on with women. Somehow his grandmother always arranges dates with the most dull women. He’s a bit grateful that it’s June he has to lunch with when he feels this way. She at least understands the situation he’s in. 

“So, how are you?” she asks, a hesitant look on her face. 

“How am I? You must be joking.” 

She frowns. “I mean, obviously I know it must be hard. But how is...everything?” 

“You mean how does it feel ruining the best thing in my life?” he asks bluntly. “Not great.” 

“Why don’t you just talk to him? I could sneak you back to the White House,” she offers. “I’m sure he would want to talk to you.” 

Henry shakes his head. “No, I can’t do that to him. It’s better this way.” 

“Really? You want to have a beard the rest of your life?” she asks, one eyebrow raised. 

He chuckles a bit, surprising himself. “Well obviously not. But I can’t be with him.” 

“You could.” 

“I can’t. I know my family wouldn’t let that happen. Do you know how fast they jumped on this date idea? Gran wanted me to bring my own photographers for God’s sake. The woman will never let me be...me in public. Which means what can I offer him? Nothing.” Henry sighs, leaning back in his chair. “I wish I could offer him a life, but I can’t. It’s awful, but it’s better for him this way.” 

“Do you honestly believe that?” June asks. She’s got a sad look on her face that Henry has seen Bea wearing several times in the last few weeks. 

He thinks of the life he and Alex could have — the ideal one where they could be out and in the open. And then he thinks of the life they could actually have — one where Henry can never come out and they’re always a secret and Alex gets aggravated and leaves him. 

“I think it’s the only option we have,” he says in a defeated voice. With a deep breath, he leans forward, shooting June a look. “I do have a proposition for you. How would you like to be my beard forever?” 

June laughs and he’s glad. He would feel awful if she thought he was serious. “Henry, you know I love you. But we both know I’m not the Claremont-Diaz you want on your arm for the rest of your life. And I don’t think it would be fair to any of the three of us to agree to that. Even with as killer a power couple as we could make.” 

Henry grins before hanging his head. “I was fairly certain that’s what you’d say. You’re just so much more fun than the rest of the girls I get sent out on dates with.” 

“My brother would kill me if I married you,” June tells him. 

“Not to mention Pez,” Henry jokes, making June smirk. 

“You’re really going to fly back to England without talking to him?” 

Henry finishes off his glass of wine. “It’s better for both of us that way.” 

June shakes her head. “I’m sorry, but I disagree. It’s clear how much you miss him. And let me tell you, I’ve never seen my brother like this. Never.” 

“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” Henry asks. 

June holds up her hands in apology. “I’m sorry. I just mean that I don’t think it’s over for him. He’d take you back. He just  _ misses _ you, Henry. Just like I can tell that you’re missing him.” He’s silent so June continues. “Nora practically had to drag him out of his bed yesterday to get him to go on a fake date with her.” 

For whatever reason, that does Henry in. “They went on a fake date too?” June nods. He’s not sure what his face reflects, but he imagines it must show his suffering. Even if he knows it’s fake. The touch of June’s hand against his startles him. 

“Henry, you should talk to him.” 

Henry squeezes her hand before letting it go. “I can’t.” 

She sighs in reply, noting that it’s time to give up. They part outside the cafe and June brings him in for a hug. “Look, even if it’s not with Alex, I think you deserve to be happy, Henry.” She pulls back and gives him a significant look. He nods with a sad smile and a squeeze of her hand. Then they’re parting and for a half a breath, he imagines getting in the car with her and going to see Alex. 

Just as quickly, his resolve is back and he goes to his own car. He’s not the type of person that can be happy in all the ways that matter. He’s not a part of a family that will let him do so. And so he lets his last chance at happiness slip through his fingers and June’s car drives away. 

* * *

If past Alex had been broken up with, he’d have bounced back quickly, but this Alex is not doing so well. He ignored June’s attempts to talk to him about Henry for a week after their fake date. He’s thrown himself into so many new meaningless projects to try and distract himself. None of them work. Henry always creeps in and lingers at the back of his mind like a festering splinter he can’t remove. Part of him wonders if he truly wants to remove it. 

He drafts emails he doesn’t send. He writes texts that get erased. He once even wrote a letter just for catharsis, but that was crumpled up and thrown away promptly. 

Nothing does the trick. Henry is always there. 

He shouldn’t be surprised that all the drama in his life revolves around Henry, but somehow, he is. 

When Zahra crashes into his room at 3:00 am and throws newspapers at him, Alex is stunned by his face next to Henry’s, but not angry. He stares at the pictures on his phone enough to have them be commonplace. It isn’t until his sleep addled mind catches up to realizing that he and Henry aren’t supposed to be pictured together, certainly not that close to each other. Certainly not in the paper. 

It’s not until he switches to the next page of the paper that he’s filled with fury. Their words to each other, the emails he’s returned to so many times in the last few months — especially in the last few weeks, even when he hated himself — are printed up and displayed for anyone who wants to read them. Horror fills him and he can barely process Zahra yelling at him. Those are Henry’s words to  _ him _ , and all he has left of him. No one else should get to see them. It’s like the whole world can see his lifejacket keeping him afloat, even when he’s trying to hide it and pretend that he can swim like everyone else. 

Zahra throws clothes at him and he changes mindlessly, following her whenever she prompts him. He can’t imagine what Henry is going through. His mind is still always on him. Even when he should be worried about himself, he still just worries about Henry. Henry who doesn’t have an accepting family like he has. Henry who let him go because he never thought they could have a future. Henry whose desperately kept secrets have just been blown up to the whole world. But he knows that even if Zahra hadn’t taken his phone, he probably wouldn’t text him. What is there to say anymore? 

Alex is left alone in a room with his mom and she’s allowing him a moment to process it all. The thing is that Alex doesn’t want to process it. He just wants it to go away. Pulling up emails and pictures of Henry and him are just going to remind him needlessly that Henry let him go. Sent him away. Cut him loose. And that Alex has been drifting listlessly since then. 

His mother sits down in the chair next to him and lays her hand over his. “Are you okay?” 

Alex doesn’t even know how to answer that. He just shrugs. 

“Look, I know this must be hard. I know how important Henry was to you.” 

“Is,” Alex corrects. He’s not sure why he feels the need to. 

His mother nods in reply. “Okay. Is. I know how important Henry is to you. And I know that having all of this come up right now must be hard. I just want to make sure you’re okay first and foremost.” 

Alex shrugs again. 

“Alex, you’ve gotta give me something here.” 

He rolls his eyes and looks to his mother. “I don’t know what to say, Mom. I loved him and I told him I loved him and he told me to leave. I’ve not done a very good job of getting past that in the last month. And somehow, every time I feel like I’m making even an ounce of progress at pushing him from my mind, something else gets shoved at me. Like the hotel footage. Or this. And so I can never let it go. I wish I was still with him, but I’m not. And I never will be again. He made it pretty clear.” 

Alex stands up from his chair, clearly surprising his mother. “So, let’s come up with something to appease the American people. Some statement or whatever. Because the crown is never going to let Henry admit that it’s the truth. And if we do and they don’t, that’s going to be weird. And what is there even to admit now? Nothing. This is all in the past. Some stupid dalliance, right? So, let’s come up with something to say. You don’t have to risk re-election on a relationship that ended a month ago.” 

Ellen takes a deep breath. “Alex, I think you should think this through.” 

Alex shakes his head. “No need.” He takes a piece of paper from the center of the table and scribbles down a statement. “Here you go. Run it by Zahra.” He sits back in his chair, letting whatever happens next happen. 

* * *

Admittedly, Henry hasn’t absorbed much of the last few hours. He was barely awake when Shaan and Bea came racing into his room, sharing the news with him delicately. It feels like his world is coming down around his ears, but there’s also a part of him that can’t stop reading what they wrote or looking at the pictures of them. Bea tries to take the paper from him, but Henry won’t let her. He has no idea how Alex is reacting to any of this and he’s worrying about him. But looking back on what they had is a strange balm for his soul. It wasn’t all in his head — it was real. Granted, that means he definitely ruined the best thing in his life, but for a few precious months, he got to know what it was like to be Alex’s and it was exhilarating. It made him feel whole. Far more whole than he’s felt in the last month without him, and far more whole than he feels now. 

He feels adrift and anxious and like nothing is really processing. It’s the stress of the situation, he knows. Philip has been by and Bea sent him away. His mother has been by and he rather snapped at her. Henry knows he’s not processing it well, but there’s not exactly a guidebook for what to do when your secret emails with your secret boyfriend — were they  _ boyfriends _ ? — gets published for the world and your grandmother-who’s-keeping-you-in-the-closet to read. 

More than anything, he wishes he could talk to Alex. But he reminds himself that Alex probably won’t want to talk to him. The thought that comes to mind the most often is that he’s not upset that people know. He’s never wanted to hide his relationship with Alex from the world, it’s just the way his family works. 

Shaan’s been posted by the door to the music room for hours. Bea’s been in as well for most of the time, but just stepped out to get them more food. She walks back in and has an odd look on her face. Glancing at Henry, she focuses on him before turning to Shaan and saying something in a small voice that Henry can’t hear. Shaan looks over at Henry as well and shares Bea’s concerned expression. 

“What?” he asks, suddenly annoyed.

Bea walks over slowly and sits down next to him. She lays her hand over Henry’s like she’s about to give him terrible news. He wonders what could be worse than the events of the day. “The, er … the White House has released a statement.” 

He looks between Bea and Shaan. “And?” 

Bea opens her mouth to tell him and backs out. She pulls out her phone and hands it to him. Henry looks down and feels his heart plummeting to the ground. “We would like to shed light on the news broken early this morning by the  _ Daily Mail _ . The relationship between the First Son and the Prince of Wales has been blown out of proportion by the “emails” published. There is no romantic relationship between Alex Claremont-Diaz and Prince Henry.” 

Henry reads it ten times before he finally feels something other than pain. He stands up and walks toward the door, leaving the music room behind and heading for his own bedroom. Pulling out a small weekender, he throws clothes in it at random, not caring what he packs. 

“What are you doing?” Bea asks from the door. 

“I’m packing.” 

“I can see that. But why?” 

Henry pauses as he throws his toiletry kit into the bag, looking over to his sister. “I’m going to D.C.” To his surprise, she looks delighted. Shaan, on the other hand, shakes his head. 

“Henry, you can’t go. You’re under lockdown on orders of the Queen.” 

“I don’t bloody care.” 

Shaan steps further into the room. “I don’t think you’re thinking clearly.” 

“I’m thinking the clearest I’ve been all day, Shaan. Get me a plane or I’ll buy a ticket and fly commercial and let the passengers around me spend the hours of the flight asking me all about my love life. And I don’t know that I’d tell them the scrubbed up version.” 

Bea laughs from the door and Shaan shoots her a glare. 

“I’m going one way or another. You can sneak me out of here or not. But I’m going.” 

“Why are you doing this, Henry? Up until this statement was released, you were unable to do much of anything? What is with this change?” 

Henry zips his bag and puts the strap over his shoulder. “I can’t lie about this. Not about him. I don’t want to. I’ve  _ never _ wanted to. And the truth is out there. I won’t lie about it. And the first person that needs to hear the truth is him.” Henry stops in his closet for a hoodie, throwing it on and putting his bag back on his shoulder. “Now are you getting me a plane or am I getting one for myself?” 

“Can you wait for 15 minutes?” Shaan asks with a sigh. 

“It’ll take us far more than 15 minutes to get to the airstrip. Call them now.” Henry hugs Bea before walking from his room. “You’ll watch David?” he asks. And she nods insistently. Shaan keeps trying to slow him down, but Henry can’t be stalled. He has a new purpose. He has to see Alex. There’s nothing to lose now. 

Shaan has them paused by the door while they wait for a car to pull up so Henry can get right in without being spotted by photographers. Bea puts her arms around Henry. “I’m proud of you. I want you to know that. I’m sure you’ll hear others in our family say many other things, but I’m proud of you. And I know that this may be hard, but I really think it’s for the best. I’ve been wanting you to do this for the last month.” 

Henry nods, hanging his head. “It’s all my fault.” 

“I wouldn’t start with that. I’d start with something about how you can’t live without him. It’s always more romantic that way,” she advises with a grin. 

Henry smiles with her. “We’ll see if I’m even allowed in the door.” 

Luckily, Henry has a plan for how to get in the door. It’s a lot easier than Shaan estimated to get to and on a plane. Henry waits until it’s too late to turn around before he makes his call. 

“Hello?” 

“June? It’s Henry.” 

“Um, hi. What are you doing?” 

“I need a favor from you, actually.” 

There’s a long silence. “Okay.” 

Henry takes a deep breath. “Is there any way that you could get me in the White House? I need to see Alex.” 

June squeals in reply. “Oh thank God. I’m so glad to hear that. Yes, I think I can figure out a way. You don’t happen to have a disguise you could use, do you?” 

Henry unzips his bag and notes the hat he’d thrown on top. “How’s a hoodie and a cap work?” 

June chuckles. “That’ll do just fine. If worst comes to worst, we can always make it look like you’ve come to reassure me you’re not sleeping with my brother.” 

Henry grimaces on his end of the call. “I’d rather not resort to that. After all, I thought you refused to be my beard.” 

She laughs again. “You’re damn right I did.” She clears her throat. “Henry, thank you for doing this.” 

“For doing what?” 

“For coming to him. He needs you. He won’t say it, but he does.” 

A fresh stab of guilt hits Henry. “I just hope he actually wants to see me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned me away.” 

“I would,” June assures him. “Just get here. How far out are you?” 

“A couple of hours.” 

“Great. I’ll see you soon.” 

* * *

Alex has been holed up in his room for hours. Many people have stopped by and he’s refused to see each of them. He knows his statement was released and it should bring him some peace, but it’s not. He hates lying. Especially to the American people.  _ Especially _ about Henry. But there’s really no choice. 

He’s sitting at his desk the next time there’s a knock at the door. With a groan, he leans his head down on his folded arms, planning to ignore whoever it is. There’s another knock. When he doesn’t reply, he hears the door open softly. “Go away, June!” he yells before putting his head back down. 

“It’s not June.” 

He whips his head around and sees the very last person he ever expected to see in his room. “Henry?” 

Henry flashes him a sad smile. “Hi.” 

Alex stands from his chair, but doesn’t move closer. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

He glances uncomfortably to his feet before looking back up at Alex. “I couldn’t do it.” 

“Do what?” 

“I couldn’t lie. Not about us. Not about you.” 

Alex’s first instinct is to be mean. “It’s not technically a lie. There  _ is no _ romantic relationship between us.” 

A pained look crosses Henry’s face. “I was fairly certain you’d written that statement.” 

He takes a deep breath. “Henry, what are you doing here?” He knows he’s asked before, but he needs a better answer. 

Henry swallows harshly, looking to the ceiling before answering. Alex is reminded of the way he looked just before he’d kissed him for the first time under the Linden trees. It hurts to think about, even with him standing right there. 

“Alex, I regretted it all the moment you were gone. But I told myself repeatedly that I was doing what was best for you. Because you deserve a better life than the one I can give you with only secrets and lies and hidden relationships. Telling myself that was how I got through the last month. I had myself convinced that it was in your best interest not to be with me,” he tells him. 

“Then why are you here?” Alex asks in a small voice. 

“Because the truth is out there anyway. And I can’t fucking do it. I thought I could. I thought I could love you and not be with you. I mean, I’d been doing that since the fucking Olympics, so I thought that I could do it again.” 

“Wait, what?” 

“But it’s so different now. Because then, I didn’t know what it was to kiss you. I didn’t know what it was like to wake up next to you. I didn’t know what it was like to love you and be loved in return. I didn’t know what it was like to feel whole in a way I hadn’t felt maybe ever in my life. I thought that I could love you and not have you just like I’d always done, but it was different this time because I know what it’s like to be yours. And going back was more painful than I could have imagined.” 

Alex is silent, trying to absorb all the information Henry is giving him. In an act of betrayal, there are tears in his eyes. 

“But even with all of that, I kept telling myself that it was for the best. You deserve better than me. You always have. But especially when you told me you loved me, I knew that you shouldn’t love someone like me who can’t give you everything that you deserve.” 

“That still doesn’t really explain why you’re here.” 

Henry huffs out a breath, sagging under the weight of it before standing up straighter. “Today was a goddamn mess. Obviously. But the only thing that got me through the fucking haze I was in was that stupid statement. Because I don’t want to lie about what you mean to me. I’ve never wanted to, I just thought it was my only option.” He cuts himself off, stepping closer just slightly. “Alex, I love you. I always have. I’ve been bloody miserable since we’ve been apart. I never should have told you to leave. I just need you to know that. I want to be with you in whatever way you’ll let me.” He shakes his head to himself. “Seeing it called a lie, it was just too much for me.” 

“How did you get in here?” Alex asks, sidestepping everything Henry’s said. 

Henry looks a bit agitated, but answers, “June got me in.” 

“Did you make it look like you were here to see her?” 

That question earns him a near glare. “No.” 

A silence hangs between them. Alex’s mind is reeling, trying to process all the things Henry’s said and deciding where to go from there. Two clear answers present themselves, but he’s not sure which is the best option. 

“I guess I just don’t know where we go from here. I mean, we already made a statement. It would be pretty hard to walk that back.” 

He can see the tears swimming in Henry’s eyes. “I know. Believe me, Alex, I know. I know that I fucked it up. I know that I ruined the best thing I had in my life. You don’t have to tell me because I already know. I guess I just needed to come here and tell you, even just once.” He takes a small step closer. “I love you. And I feel quite certain that I will always love you. I understand that you hate me and that what I did was unforgivable. I just want you to know. I  _ need _ you to know.” 

He blinks and tears fall down his cheeks. It takes everything in Alex not to go wipe them away. 

“I’ll go now. I just...I had to tell you at least once.” Henry turns and walks toward Alex’s door. 

“Henry, wait!” Alex calls. Henry freezes, but doesn’t turn. “You didn’t let me finish,” he says. Henry looks over his shoulder toward him. “I said it would be pretty hard to walk it back.” Henry nods in acknowledgement. Alex takes a few steps closer. “But for you, I would try.” 

Henry turns back to face him, astonishment clear on his face. “Really?” 

Alex nods, a sad smile on his face. “You were wrong, you know? I don’t hate you. I never have.” Henry gives him a look, making him laugh. “Okay, maybe I did at some point, but that was because I didn’t know you. But I do now, and I don’t hate you. I wanted to hate you. I wanted  _ so badly  _ to hate you, but I couldn’t. Because I understood why you did what you did. I can’t imagine thinking I couldn’t have the life I wanted when I had it at the tips of my fingers. I get it.” 

“You don’t have to understand it. I was an idiot.” 

“You were scared,” Alex corrects. “We all get scared sometimes.” He moves until he’s in front of Henry. “We all make mistakes,” he says in a small voice. “But I love you too. And I’d rather be with you than get revenge by kicking you out the same way you did me.” Henry gives him a pained look. “I don’t really know where we go from here, though.” 

“Wherever you want,” Henry tells him. “It’s my fault we’re in this situation.” 

“You leaked our emails to the press?” Alex asks with a grin. 

Henry smiles and shakes his head. “Obviously not, but I mean...the whole statement bit. You never would have done that if we were together still. It’s my fault.” 

“It’s not.” 

“Well, either way, we can do this however you want. If it’s easier to go back to being a secret, then we’ll do that.” 

“Why would I want that?” 

“Your mum’s election? I know you were worried about it.” 

Alex reaches out and plays with the strings from Henry’s hoodie. “Like you said, the truth is already out there. People are probably smart enough to realize when a lie is a lie.” 

“So what do you want to do?” Henry asks, his voice a whisper. 

Alex looks up at him, laying his hands at Henry’s side. “I want to pick up where we left off.” 

A look of relief covers Henry’s face for the one second that Alex can see it before Henry is kissing him. His hands are cupping Alex’s face while Alex wraps his arms around him. “God, I’ve missed you,” Henry breathes against his lips. 

“You have no idea,” Alex groans in return. 

Alex is unzipping Henry’s hoodie and throwing it to the floor before he really even realizes what he’s doing. Henry doesn’t seem to object, moving his mouth to Alex’s neck and working his way down. Alex’s hand tangles in his hair. Soon, he pulls Henry’s head, moving to kiss his mouth again. Henry’s tongue pushes into his mouth and Alex hears himself moan in reply. In a series of messy moves, they rid each other of their clothes before Henry shoves Alex back on the bed. Alex happily welcomes the weight of him atop him. 

Henry’s kissing him and it’s pure desire and desperation and he rocks on top of him and kisses him roughly. Alex is living for it. It’s everything he’s wanted for the last month. He clutches at Henry like he’s afraid to let him go. And maybe he really is. 

Soon, Alex flips them over, straddling Henry and staring down at him. He can see his blue eyes blown wide, the look of want clear on his face. He palms Alex’s hips, gripping them. Alex leans down and kisses him fiercely, relishing the gasp from Henry when he reaches down and wraps his hand around him. He breaks away from him and reaches over into his nightstand. Henry eyes him and nods, an impatient look on his face. 

Alex sets his fingers to work, staring at Henry and the look on his face. He’s trying to be patient — they both are — but he’s getting worked up just watching Henry. Suddenly, he reaches out and grabs Alex’s head bringing him in for a deep kiss. “Ready,” he breathes when they break apart. 

He nods in reply, a strange feeling catching in his throat. He kisses Henry again once before he puts on the condom and slides inside. Twin moans echo from both of them. Alex is moving and Henry is crying out his name and Alex was wrong before — this is everything he’s been wanting for the last month. Sharing Henry’s body is a gift he’s not going to take for granted ever again. He promises himself that. 

Afterward, they lay next to each other, curled together, panting heavily. 

“Jesus Christ,” Alex says, reminiscent of their first time in L.A.

Henry smiles wide — not his press smile — and leans his forehead against Alex’s. “Agreed.” 

Alex curls his arms tighter around him. “I’ve missed you so much,” he whispers. 

Henry opens his eyes, staring back at Alex. “I’m sorry.” 

He shakes his head in reply. “Don’t. You don’t need to apologize again. You’re here and that’s what matters.” 

“I love you,” Henry tells him. “And I promise that this time I’m not going anywhere.” 

Alex smiles at him, leaning in to kiss him quickly. “Good, because I’m not either. You’re not sending me away again. I just won’t go.” 

A pained look briefly flashes across Henry’s face before he grins. “Good.” 

They lay there long enough that Henry falls asleep in his arms. Alex just grins and tucks him in closer, planting a kiss in his hair. “I love you,” he whispers, feeling like on some level, Henry can hear him. 

Alex lets him sleep, knowing he’s probably been sleeping as terribly as Alex has the last month. Meanwhile, he keeps trying to think of an option to present his mother when he inevitably reveals that he and Henry have reconnected. He tucks away a reminder to thank June. 

* * *

June is walking toward the kitchen when her mother calls her name. She turns around and stops to let her mom catch up. Ellen puts her arm around June’s shoulders and walks with her. Zahra is in the kitchen when they arrive. 

“June, honey, have you gotten Alex to talk to you recently?” 

“Not really. He keeps kicking me out.” 

Ellen nods. “Every time I’ve tried that’s happened too.” She sighs. “I’m worried about him.”

“I don’t think you need to be,” June says. 

Zahra narrows her eyes at her. “Why?” 

June’s mouth flattens into a line. She should have kept her mouth closed. “Well, let’s just say, I think he’s going to be in a better mood.” 

Her mother steps closer to her, watching her intently. “Why?” When she’s silent, both women press her to talk. 

“Fine, Henry called me a few hours ago and wanted to get a chance to talk to Alex.” 

Ellen takes a deep breath. “So he called him?” 

June knows she should just lie, but if Henry leaves Alex’s room and is spotted, it’s going to be pretty obvious. “Um...no.” 

“How the hell did they get in touch?” Zahra asks. “And don’t say what I think you might be saying.” 

“Henry’s here,” June admits, bracing herself for the reaction of the room. 

“What?!” They both yell in unison. 

“How on earth is Henry here? How is he here without  _ me  _ knowing about it?” her mother continues. 

“Look, he called me while he was on a plane here to see him. What was I supposed to do? Tell him to turn around? So I helped him sneak in and got him to Alex so they could talk.”

“June, sugar, I know you care about your brother, but we just told the whole world that there is nothing going on between them,” Ellen reminds her. 

“I know, and I thought that was a bad idea. Because if Alex ever wanted to come out, not even with Henry, people would always point to that and talk about how we lied. Alex wants to be with Henry. And Henry wants to be with Alex. I gave them the opportunity to say that to each other. I don’t regret a thing. I knew it was risky, but they deserve it.” She nods in finality. 

Zahra squints at June. “Did Henry come alone?” 

June frowns, curious about Zahra’s question. “Uh, no. He came with his equerry.” 

“That fucking bastard,” she scoffs in reply. “Where is he?” 

June is no more intimidated by Zahra than usual, still, she takes a step back. “I don’t know. He made himself scarce.” Zahra stomps out of the room, seemingly determined to find him. June is very confused. 

She looks over to her mother. “Am I in trouble?” 

Ellen sighs. “The only reason you’re not is because I know you only had your brother’s best interest at heart. I’ve been worried about him the last month too. He hasn’t been acting like himself. And if this makes it better, then so be it. We’ll figure our way around this one way or another. We always do.” 

* * *

The sound of a buzzing from somewhere on the floor grabs Alex’s attention. He slowly detaches from Henry and goes looking for Henry’s phone. He finds it in the pocket of his hoodie and sees that he’s missed 3 calls from Bea. While he’s holding it, another one comes in. Alex looks over at Henry sleeping and shrugs, deciding to answer it. 

“Hello?” 

“Alex?” Bea asks, whispering the same as him. “Why are we whispering?” 

Alex laughs, gently curling back around Henry. He fights a grin when sleeping Henry tucks further into him. “I’m whispering because your brother is asleep. I don’t know why you’re whispering.” 

“So he’s there?” 

“Yeah, he’s here.” 

“Would have been nice for the asshole to tell me.” 

Alex laughs again. Sometimes Henry and Bea remind him so much of him and June. “Sorry. I think he came straight here.” 

“So you’re talking?” 

Alex looks down at Henry, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, we’ve worked things out.” 

“Thank God. I didn’t think I could see him brood for one more day.” 

Alex smiles to himself. “Yeah, I think June might say the same thing.” 

“She has. We’ve talked,” Bea tells him. Well that’s certainly news. “Thanks for hearing him out, Alex.” 

He gets a bit choked up. “Of course. I never wanted to go, you know.” 

“I know.” 

“And I kept wishing he’d do  _ something _ ,” he tells her. “I didn’t think it would be quite this big.” 

“Would you have settled for any less?” Bea asks with a laugh. 

Alex glances down at Henry again and he’s sure of his answer. “For him, I’d have settled for anything.” 

“Are you doing okay?” 

“I’m better now.” 

Bea chuckles to herself. “I don’t know how either of you thought you’d be okay without the other.” 

Alex curls his free arm tighter around Henry. “You might be right.” 

“If he mentions it, let him know that I’m working on things this side of the pond.” 

“That sounds very cryptic.” 

“I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep. But I thought it was maybe time to bring in an ally.” 

“Who’d that be?” 

“Mum.” 

Alex has heard enough from Henry and from Bea to know that their mom has been on the sidelines for years, letting the Queen steamroll them because she was too grief stricken to do anything else. “Whoa,” is all he says. 

“Like I said, not making any promises, but…” 

“Good luck.” 

“Good luck to you. Give H a hug for me.” 

Alex smiles. “Will do. Thanks, Bea.” 

“For what?” 

“For everything.” 

He lets Henry sleep for about an hour before he finally has a plan. Gently shaking him, he relishes the sleepy look on Henry’s face when he wakes. “Put on some clothes. I’ve got a plan.” 

In a matter of minutes, the two of them are booking it toward the West Wing, in search of Alex’s mom. “You really think this will work?” Henry asks. 

Alex grabs his hand, dragging him along with him. “I don’t know. But I hope it will.” Henry squeezes his hand and he looks over in time to see the reassuring smile on his face. They burst into the conference room where he’d last seen his mom and she’s still there, this time sitting with June. “We have an idea!” 

June grins when she looks over at them. His mother looks less impressed. Her eyes drift back and forth between the two of them before resting on the place where their hands meet. “Yes, hello, Alex and  _ Henry _ .” 

“Don’t be mad. I know it’s crazy timing —”

“You think?” 

“ — But I’m glad he’s here,” Alex says with a pointed look. 

His mother sighs, standing up from her chair. He can feel Henry’s hand tensing in his. Alex just squeezes it. “Alex, you know I’ve wanted you to be happy. I have nothing against the two of you together, it’s just the fact that we released a statement ten hours ago saying that there was no relationship.” 

“I know. And look, if I’d have thought this was a possibility, I wouldn’t have told you we should do that, but I obviously had no idea.” 

Ellen shakes her head at him. “I told you to take some time and think about it and you said no.” 

“So what are you saying? We can’t get around this and Henry and I are to remain closeted? I thought you were a Democrat,” Alex retorts. 

His mother rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying. We just have to figure out a way to retract it.” 

“Yes, and as I said, I have an idea.”

“Why don’t you just tell us what your idea is instead of telling us that you have an idea?” June suggests. 

Alex glares at her. “Social media,” he says. “The young person’s artform.” Henry shakes his head at him but laughs. “We admit that it’s real, but say that we didn’t come out and tell the truth —” 

“Nice pun,” June adds. 

Alex laughs and continues. “We didn’t come out and tell the truth because we were worried about people’s reactions. But the longer we’ve sat with the statement, we want to tell the truth.” He shrugs. “Or you know, something like that.” 

“Alex, I don’t know —” 

He cuts his mother off. “Just give me a chance. You can read it before I post it and approve it. And get Zahra to or whoever. Give me like fifteen minutes.” 

His mother takes a deep breath. “Fine. Go.” 

“Great!” Alex yells. “June, come with us. We need you.” 

They shut themselves in another conference room while Alex expands on his plan. He plants himself in Henry’s lap and Henry doesn’t object. His arm goes around Alex’s waist while June sits in the chair next to them. “Okay, so here’s what I’m thinking,” Alex starts. “They published all those pictures of us.” He goes through his photos and starts clicking on them. 

“Did you save them to your phone?” June asks, a disgusted look on her face. 

“Only after I had this idea.” 

“Okay…” 

“Shut up, June,” Alex says without looking up from his phone. “Anyway, so we compare the papped photos to ones we actually took. Like ‘You think this is our relationship, but  _ this _ is actually our relationship.’ So, we take this shot from the elevator in New York, and we pair it with one from L.A.” He scrolls back and finds a picture Bea had sent him of the two of them in the back of the limo. “Then, we take this shot from Wimbledon and pair it with one we actually took before Wimbledon.” Henry’s watching his progress, leaning his head against his arm. “Next, we’ll take this one from the gala in Berlin and we’ll pair it with the one of the two of us at the lakehouse.” 

“You didn’t delete those?” Henry asks in a small voice. 

Alex plants a kiss against his temple. “‘Course not. I couldn’t.” He turns back to his phone, looking at the picture Nora had snapped of the two of them sitting by the fire. “Okay, and then we’ll take this one from outside the stables at your polo match and put it with another one from the day we went to Wimbledon. And one last one, a shot of us outside the Met followed by that picture on the boat where we both look really hot.” 

June laughs. “You’re so humble, Alex.” 

“Truth’s the truth.” He clicks the next button on his phone and proceeds to attempt a caption. “Okay, so what should we say?” Without warning, June snatches his phone out of his hands and starts typing away. “Hey!” 

“You did your part, this is my part.” 

Alex looks at Henry and rolls his eyes, but lets June do her thing. He leans his head against Henry’s shoulder and waits. Henry’s arms curl tighter around him. They’re both watching June, imagining what she’s writing on their behalf. It takes close to ten of their allotted fifteen minutes. 

“Okay, do you want to hear it?” 

“Obviously. Since you stole my phone and plan to post on my behalf, yeah, I’d like to read it.” 

“It’s actually a joint post.” 

“Oh, that sounds nice,” Henry comments.

“Here we go,” she says, clearing her throat. 

“When you live your life in the spotlight, people assume that you like it. And while there are times that’s true, it’s not always the case. We met as teens, still trying to figure out our places in the world. But the world pitted us against each other. The prince and the first son. Slowly, we became friends and the world rooted for us. But things changed and so did our relationship. However, we weren’t sure that the world would root for us this time. So we kept our relationship a secret. We shared our joy with our friends and our family who were happy for us and offered us support. We waited for the right time when we didn’t have to worry about political rivals or people with “traditional values,” but that time didn’t come on our own terms. You never expect that your secrets will be aired to the public without your consent. And in the panic of that moment, we fell back on old habits, insisting there was nothing to the story. But the longer that we sat with that statement, the worse it felt. So this is the truth: We are together. This is not how we wanted to share it with the world, but we have no other choice. We ask for privacy during this time as we attempt to deal with this new reality of being a couple out in the open. Thank you to those who have always supported us and we hope that will continue to be the case.” 

June looks up at them, the phone stretched out in her hand. Alex turns to Henry, brows raised. Henry takes the phone from June with a nod. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” 

“That’s a big statement. He’s a fucking poet,” Alex tells her. 

“Great, let’s go see if Mom approves.” 

The three of them go back to the conference room where their mother is waiting, now with Zahra and Shaan. Silently, Alex plops his phone in his mother’s hand. After reading it, she looks up at the two of them, an impressed look on her face. “Boys, this is really good.” 

“Actually, June wrote it.” 

She glances over at June, that same look still on her face. “Sweetheart, it’s brilliant.” June smiles in reply. Zahra takes the phone and reads it, Shaan doing the same over her shoulder. 

“I think it’s good,” Zahra agrees. 

“It’s coming from Alex?” Shaan asks. Both Henry and Alex nod. “You can’t post this.” 

“Excuse me?” he says. 

“Why not?” Henry asks. 

“Because it will be in violation of the NDA you signed a year ago. Technically, this could be considered sharing private information about Henry’s life and you could be sued. And given how angry the Queen will likely be when this is released, I wouldn’t put it past her to actually do that.” 

Alex deflates a bit. “So, we can’t post it?” 

“Well you can’t. But Henry can.” 

All eyes turn to Henry, but he’s only looking at Shaan. “Fine, give me the phone.” 

“Wait, no. We can do this another way,” Alex insists. 

Henry shakes his head at him. “Everyone in this room agrees that this is a good option. Why would we try to find something else?” 

“You don’t have to do this,” Alex says. 

Henry shoots a look to the rest of the room before pulling Alex over toward the corner. “Do you not want me to?” 

“I don’t want you to burn bridges with your family. It’ll be worse coming from you than it would from me. I don’t want you to risk all that just for me.” 

He gives Alex a small smile before he leans in and kisses him quickly. “I’ve learned my lesson, Alex, and if given the chance, there’s nothing I wouldn’t risk for you. Including my grandmother’s wrath. I don’t care what they have to say. I am tired of the secrets and lies. I’m doing this. For us.” 

Alex takes a deep breath and releases it before he finally nods and let’s Henry do what he’s going to do. Henry copies the caption before logging into his own account on Alex’s phone. He clicks the same pictures Alex had before and pastes the caption. With one final look to the room, he says, “We’re all on board with this?” Everyone nods. Henry grabs Alex’s hand and clicks SHARE with the other. 

Henry sets the phone down on the table like it’s hot. “There we go.” 

It feels like there’s going to be some immediate thing that happens after it posts, but there’s not. It’s just six people standing around a table, waiting for the world to react. Alex feels itchy and can’t take it anymore. He slides the phone towards June. “You take this. I don’t need to see anything for a while.” 

“Probably smart.” 

Alex, still holding Henry’s hand, walks toward the door before turning back. “Thank you all. I...thank you.” 

“We love you, you idiot,” June tells him. “Both of you.” 

“Thank you,” Henry says. Alex can hear the emotion in his voice. He steers them out of there and drags Henry toward the roof. Alex sits back against the wall, staring up at Henry. “And what will we be doing up here?” 

Alex grins. “Chilling the fuck out.” Henry laughs, planting himself next to Alex, looping his arm through one of his. His head rests on Alex’s shoulder and Alex leans his head on Henry’s. 

“I know that soon there’s going to be another big mess, likely just from my family,” Henry says, “but this is probably the most peaceful I’ve felt in years.” 

Alex kisses the top of his head, scooching in closer to him. “Yeah, I know what you mean.” They sit there for a while, in a comfortable silence, wrapped around each other, pointedly ignoring the world. Switching positions, Henry lays with his head in Alex’s lap. Alex sits there with a lazy smile on his face, running his fingers through Henry’s hair. “Thank you,” Alex says softly. 

Henry looks up at him, a question on his face. “Whatever for?” 

Alex strokes his hand along Henry’s cheek. “For coming here. For coming back.” 

Henry sits up right in front of him, cupping his face. “This is where I always want to be. With you.” 

Alex leans in and kisses him hard, his hand at the back of his neck. “Me too,” he breathes. “You and me.” 

They tangle together and kiss for a few minutes, a few hours. It feels like a promise to forget it all — the month apart, the inevitable reaction from Henry’s family, the potential disaster of the world knowing. 

But they’re together. And that’s enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading! Comments are always appreciated! 
> 
> feel free to come chat with me on tumblr! I'm three-drink-amy!


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